Dangerous Desserts in St. Augustine
A very painful article about the most incredibly delicious and appetizing desserts in St. Augustine. Don't be confused by the writer's conflicted feelings towards sweets.
Dessert is awful. It's uncontrollably good. It's horrible for you but super tantalizing.
Dessert is the most dangerous meal of the day, rendering men and women completely incapacitated with its delicious sweetness and unforgiving levels of sugar. How much more hazardous dessert is in St. Augustine where culinary extraordinaire and experts in the field of yumminess battle endlessly to create the most mouthwatering treats in town. Chocolate, ice cream, candy, pie and, baked goods; resistance is futile.
In no particular order, here are the most dangerously delicious desserts in St. Augustine:
1. Chocolate Soft Serve Ice Cream at Claude's
Claude's already has an amazing array of chocolates which threatens the weary wanderer who stumbles into their shop. How devastating that on top of this they must also have incredibly delicious soft serve ice cream. It's an absolute abomination. When you hear soft serve, you may imagine a dinky little cone with just a tiny bit of swirly frozen cow milk on it. Instead, you get this ostentatious display that is hardly your run-of-the-mill soft serve.
Claude, you devious mastermind. Thank you.
2. Breakfast in Bed Cupcakes at Luli's
There's no reason to ever have the flavor of cupcakes that grace the display case at Luli's Cupcakes. Minorcan Mud with chocolate and datil pepper bits, Chicken and Waffles cupcake with maple batter and fried chicken and syrup on top, Nutty Monkey with banana, chocolate, and peanut butter, Irish Car Bomb--wait, what!? There's booze in these cupcakes!? Absolutely uncalled for.
So many unnecessarily creative and incredible flavors, but the most dangerous cupcake is the Breakfast in Bed. Mostly because it's made every single morning, and I don't think any of us need this cupcake every morning of our lives. Oh yeah, and it has bacon on top of it. I don't know you, Luli, but, it's unforgivable for you to have these cupcakes available to the public. But thank you.
3. Fried Cheesecake at Beaches on Vilano
I can't do cheesecake alone. There's so much density and richness that I usually have to tap out and let someone else finish it for me. On the other hand, I never need to ask someone to help me finish something that's been fried. So basically, the Fried Cheesecake at Beaches on Vilano is probably one of the most dangerous combinations on this list. It really plays tricks on my appetite. It's like, I can finish it myself, but, I probably shouldn't. But I do.
It's made with Eli's Cheesecake, considered one of Chicago's Finest. They wrap it in thin layers of pastry and then they "lightly" deep fry it. As if that isn't decadent enough, each portion is dusted with cinnamon sugar and served with ice cream and fresh fruit. The taste would make you think that this is some kind of military-grade weapon years in the making. I surrender Fried Cheesecake. Thanks, but no thanks Beaches (but in all seriousness, thank you).
4. Cookies at the Spanish Bakery
Do not be fooled by the seemingly plain appearance of these cookies. It's a lie! This work of treachery disguises itself as something which could have easily come out of a generic grocery store pack, but be vigilant! This is no plain mundane cookie. This is raw and unfiltered sweetness with a rich buttery crumbly taste to it. The portion size is also very deceiving. It's not normal to eat five of these in one go. But you probably will. Why do you hate me, Spanish Bakery? Cheers, thanks.
5. Chocolate Eclair at Les Petits Pleasures
Disclaimer: these pleasures are NOT petite. False advertising to the max. The real life French pastry chefs behind this den of food debauchery aren't pulling any punches. Tarts, crepes, chocolate croissants, danishes--but the most tantalizing is without question the chocolate eclair. With its soft flaky texture and rich filling, all coated with a smooth chocolate glaze on top, it's basically the coup de gras of sweets. Did I mention the chefs are French? Geez, thanks, France.
6. The Dole Whip Float at LikIt
Typically this fruity dessert is properly contained within the confines of the Walt Disney World Resort, and for good reason. Dole Whips must by all means be limited and portioned out properly. So tell me, what psycho thought it would be good to make these readily accessible on St. George Street every day of my life? You've got to be kidding me, Likit. Really? Thanks (no, really, thanks).
7. Waffles at Cousteau's
I'm actually glad that it's taken me years to finally go to Cousteau's because I probably saved myself from two years of a dessert waffle addiction. As with Spanish Bakery's cookies, don't let the portion size trick you. These waffles are absolutely dangerously delicious and they should be consumed in moderation. Don't think your strawberry allergy will release you from succumbing to these. They have a full arsenal of topping options and it's not good. I can't look at you, Cousteau. But I thank you with all my heart.
8. Oreo Beignets at Harry's Seafood
Beignets...my reaction to eating these confused the folks at Harry's. I just shook my head. It's so "Yes" that it's a "No," if that makes any sense. This sickeningly good combination with Oreo cookies probably never needed to happen. And you might think "Eh, whatever, room temperature fried goods. NBD." Actually, it's a very big deal because they aren't room temperature. They're made fresh and in fact this photo is a little messed up because the beautiful design began to melt before my eyes into this milky way of decadent terror. I stand by my reaction. No, Harry. But also yes, thank you.
9. Grilled Banana Split at A1A Ale Works
A1A's take on the Banana Split is the adaption of an American classic that absolutely nobody asked for. It's almost as if they've done research on the effect of warm temperature on the perception of taste. So what, the thermal effect on flavor has a positive correlation and it's been studied thoroughly over the past 100 years (yeah, it has. Look it up). So then you're going to take a perfectly fine cold banana split and add a warm element to it and force me to eat it because how can I not? They're evil geniuses at A1A Ale House. Evil. Geniuses. Thank you very much.
Check out more deliciously sweet options at St. Augustine's Restaurants — including ChocoLattes, Le Macaron French Pastries, and Crème de la Cocoa — to name a few.
Unfortunately, this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the underground dessert ring. If you know any other guilty parties or dishes that eluded our capture, please let us know by writing us at [email protected].
This article has been updated in 2023.