Most Dangerous Desserts in St. Augustine

A very painful article about the most incredibly delicious and appetizing desserts in St. Augustine, Florida. Don't be confused by the writer's conflicted feelings towards sweets.

  • Dessert is awful. It's uncontrollably good. It's horrible for you but super tantalizing.

    Dessert is the most dangerous meal of the day, rendering men and women completely incapacitated with its delicious sweetness and unforgiving levels of sugar. How much more hazardous dessert is in St. Augustine where culinary extraordinaires and experts in the field of yumminess battle endlessly to create the most mouthwatering treats in town. Chocolate, ice cream, candy, pie and baked goods; resistance is futile.

    In no particular order, here are the most dangerously delicious desserts in St. Augustine, Florida.

    1. Chocolate Soft-serve Ice Cream at Claude's

     

     

    Claude's already has an amazing array of chocolates which threatens the weary wanderer who stumbles into their shop. How devastating that on top of this they must also have incredibly delicious soft-serve ice cream. It's an absolute abomination. When you hear soft serve, you may imagine a dinky little cone with just a tiny bit of swirly frozen cow milk on it. Instead, you get this ostentatious display that is hardly your run-of-the-mill soft serve.

    Claude, you devious mastermind. Thank you.

    2. Breakfast in Bed Cupcakes at Luli's

    There's no reason to ever have the flavor of cupcakes that grace the display case at Luli's Cupcakes. Minorcan Mud with chocolate and datil pepper bits, Chicken and Waffles cupcake with maple batter and fried chicken and syrup on top, Nutty Monkey with banana, chocolate and peanut butter, Irish car bomb--wait, what!? There's booze in these cupcakes!? Absolutely uncalled for.

    So many unnecessarily creative and incredible flavors, but the most dangerous cupcake is the Breakfast in Bed. Mostly because it's made every single morning, and I don't think any of us need this cupcake every morning of our lives. Oh yeah, and it has bacon on top of it. I don't know you, Luli, but, it's unforgivable for you to have these cupcakes available to the public. But thank you.

    3. Fried Cheesecake at Beaches on Vilano

    I can't do cheesecake alone. There's so much density and richness that I usually have to tap out and let someone else finish it for me. On the other hand, I never need to ask someone to help me finish something that's been fried. So basically, the Fried Cheesecake at Beaches on Vilano is probably one of the most dangerous combinations on this list. It really plays tricks on my appetite. It's like, I can finish it myself, but, I probably shouldn't. But I do.

    Anyway, in the video above you can see the horrors that happen behind closed doors to bring this dessert to life. It's made with Eli's Cheesecake, considered one of Chicago's Finest, and it's deep fried. That's about it and yet the taste would make you think that this is some kind military-grade weapon years in the making. I surrender, Fried Cheesecake. Thanks, but no thanks Beaches (but in all seriousness, thank you).

    4. Cookies at the Spanish Bakery

    Do not be fooled by the seemingly plain appearance of these cookies. It's a lie! This work of treachery disguises itself as something which could have easily come out of a generic grocery store pack, but be vigilant! This is no plain mundane cookie. This is raw and unfiltered sweetness with a rich buttery crumbly taste to it. The portion size is also very deceiving. It's not normal to eat 5 of these in one go. But you probably will. Why do you hate me, Spanish Bakery? Cheers, thanks. 

    5. Cinnamon Bun at the Bunnery

     

    It makes sense to list this dessert since it calls to mind the name of this conniving establishment; however, more dangerous items are presented here apart from your everyday 'buns'. Don't spend too long looking at the display case or you may justify a reason for buying and eating every item in it. Whatever you do though, be careful with those cinnamon buns. They hook you...big time. Thank you. 

    6. Chocolate Eclair at Les Petits Pleasures

    Disclaimer: these pleasures are NOT petite. False advertising to the max. The real life French pastry chefs behind this den of food debauchery aren't pulling any punches. Tarts, crepes, chocolate croissants, danishes--but the most tantalizing is without question the chocolate eclair. With its soft flaky texture and rich filling, all coated with a smooth chocolate glaze on top, it's basically the coup de gras of sweets. Did I mention the chefs are French? Geez, thanks, France.

    7. Chocolate Torte at Dessert First Bistro

    Dessert First? This establishment is throwing all standards of decorum out the window. Setting the unhealthy behaviors that now control my life, Dessert First Bistro's chocolate torte will definitely put you into some sort of chocolate coma. If you're hoping St. Augustine's parking situation will discourage you, think again. Parking is no issue at all with this restaurant located over at Camachee Cove near the Vilano Bridge. Dessert First Bistro, you are the bane of my calorie intake, but thank you. Thank you so much.

    8. The Dole Whip Float at LikIt

     

     

    Typically this fruity dessert is properly contained within the confines of the Walt Disney World Resort, and for good reason. Dole Whips must by all means be limited and portioned out properly. So tell me, what psycho thought it would be good to make these readily accessible on St. George Street every day of my life? You've got to be kidding me, Likit. Really? Thanks (no, really, thanks).

    9. Waffles at Cousteau's

    I'm actually glad that it's taken me years to finally go to Cousteau's because I probably saved myself from 2 years of a dessert waffle addiction. As with Spanish Bakery's cookies, don't let the portion size trick you. These waffles are absolutely dangerously delicious and they should be consumed in moderation. Don't think your strawberry allergy will release you from succumbing to these. They have a full arsenal of topping options and it's not good. I can't look at you, Cousteau. But I thank you with all my heart. 

    10. Oreo Beignets at Harry's Seafood

    Beignets...my reaction to eating these confused the folks at Harry's. I just shook my head. It's so "Yes" that it's a "No," if that makes any sense. This sickeningly good combination with Oreo cookies probably never needed to happen. And you might think "Eh, whatever, room temperature fried goods. NBD." Actually, it's a very big deal because they aren't room temperature. They're made fresh and in fact this photo is a little messed up because the beautiful design began to melt before my eyes into this milky way of decadent terror.  I stand by my reaction. No, Harry. But also yes, thank you. 

    11. Grilled Banana Split at A1A Ale Works

    A1A's take on the Banana Split is the adaption of an American classic that absolutely nobody asked for. It's almost as if they've done research on the effect of warm temperature on the perception of taste. So what, the thermal effect on flavor has a positive correlation and it's been studied thoroughly over the past 100 years (yeah, it has. Look it up). So then you're going to take a perfectly fine cold banana split and add a warm element to it and force me to eat it because how can I not? They're evil geniuses at A1A Ale House. Evil. Geniuses. Thank you very much.

     

    Check out more delicious options at St. Augustine's Restaurants!

     

    Unfortunately, this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the underground dessert ring. If you know any other guilty parties or dishes that eluded our capture, please let us know by writing us at content@VisitStAugustine.com!

Updated: Thursday, November 9, 2017

Alex's picture
Alex Pooler

As Content Editor for VisitStAugustine.com, Alex writes and edits everything from articles to business profiles to events. She likes manatees, orange juice, and getting into a hot car on a scorchingly hot Florida summer day after being in A/C for hours.